Battle Against the Keg

Keg Boy was especially difficult to deal with today. He wouldn't stop talking, he was being especially boy-like and I'm fairly certain he asked me out. Thank goodness you guys gave a bad review of The Village, otherwise I couldn't have escaped his evil plotting.
I'd say he and I need to have a "chat" but I can't picture having a serious conversation with him about why we shouldn't date. On the plus side, I'm glad my conversation with Alan last night made me realize that I still have to do a lot of emotional work on myself before I'm in a position to be in a romantic relationship with anyone. So, if the possibility of a serious conversation with Keg Boy does come up, I have legitimate reasons and answers.
The worst part is that Keg Boy is my partner for the French oral exam, so we're going to have to do some one-on-one studying. I'm not sure how that's going to work.

This is mainly for myself, but feel free to read the following. It's messy, but it's some of the stuff I realized last night. By posting it, I feel I'm taking a step towards being more vulnerable. It's in a smaller font, because I'm still having trouble making said step...and I felt that if it was in a smaller font everyone would be less likely to read it (My head is weird, don't question the strange psychology).

Last night, I realized that I want to be emotionally and psychologically strong and to me, that means not being vulnerable (especially with boys)...thus explaining a lot of my defensive tactics and what is commonly referred to by the majority of my friends as my "hostility." My association between strength and not being vulnerable is a bad assumption and I need to stop relying on it because it also causes me to bottle up emotions. So much so, that I don't even realize I'm feeling that emotion anymore.

Over the past year or so, my bad tendency, unknown to me, has slowly begun to chip away (because of God's work, what not). This caused seemingly insignificant events/comments to trigger an emotional explosion (ie. crying in front of a teacher and over the phone to my dad), leaving me feeling out of control and crazy. I need to reach a point where I am more aware of my emotions and am able to deal with them as they come. I still have a long way to go. But at least now I can understand a little better why I've felt miserable for the last year. The transition from a seemingly unchanging good to apathetic mood to feeling everything else as well is difficult. It'll be a long time before I'm completely emotionally aware.