My Evening
Have finally heard from Prof Lady (now to be referred to as Wenchy woman). Here's a direct quote:
"I do still have some concern about your very limited background in English, given your
late addition of the major. As you know, my course is a graduate course with students
enrolled at both the Masters and Ph.D. levels, so it will be conducted at a fairly
advanced level. The leap from English 310 B may be fairly extreme. If after looking at
some of the readings for this week you are still interested in joining, I am happy to have
you attend class on Tuesday. After class, we could meet briefly and discuss this further
before we make a final decision. Let me know what you think of this plan. I don't want
to string you along, but I think it would be wise to do this before you drop your other
course. "
I hate all this uncertainty and the ever increasing number of doubts she is causing me to have about myself and my abilities. (Also, I'm now doubtful of how well Arch can act as my reference, a big deal, since I want to use him on applications) I know for a fact a number of my friends haven't had this much difficulty getting into grad classes (and some have the same LACK of English courses as me). To make the uncertainty worse, since I can't drop my old class yet, I may have to buy a course pack (non-refundable and a special trip to a store far away, mind you) on Tuesday (the first day it's available) and do reading for Wednesday...a task made even more difficult by the fact I'll have to attend the grad class on Tuesday. Plus, I now have to buy at least $40 worth of books just to complete the grad course's readings for Tuesday. But all this frustration didn't hit me until later.
Before getting the e-mail, I had just finished putting on my makeup to go to church. Upon getting the e-mail, I decided I needed to go and buy the immediately necessary books and skip church (I haven't been in about a month, never fear, my faith is still strong). But of course, I take a few minutes to rant in Rose's general direction. (I think I scare her, but really I don't mean to hit anything...I'm just a gesticulating kind of girl)
So, I leave McDonel, only to realize it is starting to sprinkle. I walk back inside the dorm. Stand in front of the elevator doors for several seconds, then decide the weather is not that bad and it's too warm for a coat. So, I return to the outside and begin my trek to the nearest bookstore. About half way there, I call Rose. I was beginning to catch on to the joke and felt the need to inform her by continuing my rant. "It's raining. Hard." She advised me to return to the dorm and get an umbrella. What umbrella, I'm thinking, long ago I decided I'm too tough for sucn nonsense. So I continue on my way. It begins to full on downpour. I took refuge at a covered bus stop. I called Rose again, to rant about my delay...and ask her to close my window.
I contemplated making a run for it, but I was wearing makeup, and my flip flops were slippery and they made an irritating drenched noise with each step. So instead, I sat, thanked God for giving me the foresight to wear a tanktop under my pink tee shirt and waited. Ten minutes later, it was back to sprinkling, and I risked walking the rest of the way to the bookstore.
Upon arriving, I saw the sign that said the book store had closed at 5 (it was then 6:35) but I felt the need to see the dark store and chained up doorway with my own eyes. So I did. After which I called Rose for the 3rd time to inform her that my unwanted shower had been pointless. I also informed her that I felt I now had proof that my life was a joke. "God is clearly pointing and laughing," I said. Rose preferred the idea that I was being punished for skipping church.
Buying these books had now become my life mission. So, I headed for another bookstore. There was still the occasional drizzle, but there were other people out walking, causing me to feel a little less like an idiot. I made it to the Student Book Store before it started pouring again. The store was closing in 15 minutes. I quickly bought several of the many books needed for the class and left. I began walking home, but decided I needed coffee. I entered a cafe, ordered coffee, and called Rose one last time to inform her of my success.
I was amused with my entire situation. I knew I deserved to be laughed at. It was a good story. (I know I'll be able to laugh about it...in a few weeks)
It was only after I began rereading Northanger Abbey that the frustration caused by my situation began to really sink in. I'm torn between allowing myself to be discouraged by Wenchy Woman and dropping the idea of taking this class with the mentality of "hey, if you don't want me, then I don't want to be in your class" and by wanting to meet this challenge head on, and prove that I can handle the class. (Which I assumed I could, before she put all these doubts in my head)
At least I can talk it out with my parents tomorrow. They're coming to visit. I haven't told them about any of this, because I wanted to surprise them with the news when I was certain I could be in the class. That obviously can't happen.
Well, I need to send a few e-mails. Then I have to go and study and read for a class I may not be allowed to enter. What a fun weekend this is turning out to be.
"I do still have some concern about your very limited background in English, given your
late addition of the major. As you know, my course is a graduate course with students
enrolled at both the Masters and Ph.D. levels, so it will be conducted at a fairly
advanced level. The leap from English 310 B may be fairly extreme. If after looking at
some of the readings for this week you are still interested in joining, I am happy to have
you attend class on Tuesday. After class, we could meet briefly and discuss this further
before we make a final decision. Let me know what you think of this plan. I don't want
to string you along, but I think it would be wise to do this before you drop your other
course. "
I hate all this uncertainty and the ever increasing number of doubts she is causing me to have about myself and my abilities. (Also, I'm now doubtful of how well Arch can act as my reference, a big deal, since I want to use him on applications) I know for a fact a number of my friends haven't had this much difficulty getting into grad classes (and some have the same LACK of English courses as me). To make the uncertainty worse, since I can't drop my old class yet, I may have to buy a course pack (non-refundable and a special trip to a store far away, mind you) on Tuesday (the first day it's available) and do reading for Wednesday...a task made even more difficult by the fact I'll have to attend the grad class on Tuesday. Plus, I now have to buy at least $40 worth of books just to complete the grad course's readings for Tuesday. But all this frustration didn't hit me until later.
Before getting the e-mail, I had just finished putting on my makeup to go to church. Upon getting the e-mail, I decided I needed to go and buy the immediately necessary books and skip church (I haven't been in about a month, never fear, my faith is still strong). But of course, I take a few minutes to rant in Rose's general direction. (I think I scare her, but really I don't mean to hit anything...I'm just a gesticulating kind of girl)
So, I leave McDonel, only to realize it is starting to sprinkle. I walk back inside the dorm. Stand in front of the elevator doors for several seconds, then decide the weather is not that bad and it's too warm for a coat. So, I return to the outside and begin my trek to the nearest bookstore. About half way there, I call Rose. I was beginning to catch on to the joke and felt the need to inform her by continuing my rant. "It's raining. Hard." She advised me to return to the dorm and get an umbrella. What umbrella, I'm thinking, long ago I decided I'm too tough for sucn nonsense. So I continue on my way. It begins to full on downpour. I took refuge at a covered bus stop. I called Rose again, to rant about my delay...and ask her to close my window.
I contemplated making a run for it, but I was wearing makeup, and my flip flops were slippery and they made an irritating drenched noise with each step. So instead, I sat, thanked God for giving me the foresight to wear a tanktop under my pink tee shirt and waited. Ten minutes later, it was back to sprinkling, and I risked walking the rest of the way to the bookstore.
Upon arriving, I saw the sign that said the book store had closed at 5 (it was then 6:35) but I felt the need to see the dark store and chained up doorway with my own eyes. So I did. After which I called Rose for the 3rd time to inform her that my unwanted shower had been pointless. I also informed her that I felt I now had proof that my life was a joke. "God is clearly pointing and laughing," I said. Rose preferred the idea that I was being punished for skipping church.
Buying these books had now become my life mission. So, I headed for another bookstore. There was still the occasional drizzle, but there were other people out walking, causing me to feel a little less like an idiot. I made it to the Student Book Store before it started pouring again. The store was closing in 15 minutes. I quickly bought several of the many books needed for the class and left. I began walking home, but decided I needed coffee. I entered a cafe, ordered coffee, and called Rose one last time to inform her of my success.
I was amused with my entire situation. I knew I deserved to be laughed at. It was a good story. (I know I'll be able to laugh about it...in a few weeks)
It was only after I began rereading Northanger Abbey that the frustration caused by my situation began to really sink in. I'm torn between allowing myself to be discouraged by Wenchy Woman and dropping the idea of taking this class with the mentality of "hey, if you don't want me, then I don't want to be in your class" and by wanting to meet this challenge head on, and prove that I can handle the class. (Which I assumed I could, before she put all these doubts in my head)
At least I can talk it out with my parents tomorrow. They're coming to visit. I haven't told them about any of this, because I wanted to surprise them with the news when I was certain I could be in the class. That obviously can't happen.
Well, I need to send a few e-mails. Then I have to go and study and read for a class I may not be allowed to enter. What a fun weekend this is turning out to be.
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