Fight-Fest 2005
Here's an update on the conflict on the parent front.
I have spoken to them several times, but before tonight none of the conversations lasted over 30 seconds. They all followed this basic formula:
Parent: How are you?
Me: Alive, but busy. Must go.
Parent: Love you.
Me: Hmm.
I hate that this is what our conversations have been reduced to. But their unwillingness to directly address the car issue angers me to no end and I don't think I'll be okay with them until we have a serious long conversation about it. I tried to re-establish proper communication again tonight. When my father asked if there was anything I needed, I said "I want the car gone. I'm not driving it."
He didn't like that.
Dad: You know, any other college student would be grateful. We worry about you, walking back at 11:30 PM, in three feet of snow with no visibility.
Me: First off, I've only been out that late twice. I'm a GRAD student and I'm twenty-one. (beat) I interpret surprising me with the car as a sign that you don't trust my judgment.
Dad: You're misinterpreting it.
First off, I was an English major. It's my job to interpret and I'm usually pretty good at it.
Dad: (Continued) Besides if we'd asked, you'd have said no. Pick your battles.
Me: ....
If you knew I'd say no...then you shouldn't have done it. *Shakes head at parent's complete lack of logic*
The "pick your battles" comment also really annoyed me because I am picking my battles. My last and only battle with my parents occurred about four years ago. I spend the vast majority of my time meeting their expectations. Take for example the fact that I've spent eleven years of my life swimming. I think I got mild enjoyment out of two of those years. The rest of the time I hated the sport. But did I stop? No.
My mind immediately went to the image of me selling the car and gaining financial freedom and then telling my dad to "pick his battles." How do you think he'd like that reversal?
My next attempt to resolve my issues with them will focus in on the trust situation. The trust is gone. As far as I'm concerned, my parents have demonstrated that they don't trust my judgment. They're hiding behind the "but we worry about you" excuse. They need to get over it. I'm a "good kid." I don't engage in high risk behavior. I mean, my goodness, my parents would have died years ago from stress if I'd been an alcoholic, drug-addicted sexaholic. And frankly, MSU's campus was probably more dangerous than my current situation. But I spent three years there with no major parental panic attacks.
The worst part is that I don't think there can be any real resolution here for two reasons:
1) I can't communicate with them openly again. Mentioning that I was walking outside past 11:30 PM once caused my dad to disobey my wishes, become secretive and deliver a car to my doorstep. I'm going to have to adopt a "what they won't know can't hurt them" policy for the most basic things.
2) I can't trust them in the future. Yeah, I can move past this betrayal, but what happens the next time I do something they find "worrisome?" What's that? That city's too dangerous? Don't want this particular guy for a son-in-law?
I needs financial independence now. That or siblings for parents to worry about.
Rant over, but have gone completely bonkers during the telling. All is not right in the world.
I have spoken to them several times, but before tonight none of the conversations lasted over 30 seconds. They all followed this basic formula:
Parent: How are you?
Me: Alive, but busy. Must go.
Parent: Love you.
Me: Hmm.
I hate that this is what our conversations have been reduced to. But their unwillingness to directly address the car issue angers me to no end and I don't think I'll be okay with them until we have a serious long conversation about it. I tried to re-establish proper communication again tonight. When my father asked if there was anything I needed, I said "I want the car gone. I'm not driving it."
He didn't like that.
Dad: You know, any other college student would be grateful. We worry about you, walking back at 11:30 PM, in three feet of snow with no visibility.
Me: First off, I've only been out that late twice. I'm a GRAD student and I'm twenty-one. (beat) I interpret surprising me with the car as a sign that you don't trust my judgment.
Dad: You're misinterpreting it.
First off, I was an English major. It's my job to interpret and I'm usually pretty good at it.
Dad: (Continued) Besides if we'd asked, you'd have said no. Pick your battles.
Me: ....
If you knew I'd say no...then you shouldn't have done it. *Shakes head at parent's complete lack of logic*
The "pick your battles" comment also really annoyed me because I am picking my battles. My last and only battle with my parents occurred about four years ago. I spend the vast majority of my time meeting their expectations. Take for example the fact that I've spent eleven years of my life swimming. I think I got mild enjoyment out of two of those years. The rest of the time I hated the sport. But did I stop? No.
My mind immediately went to the image of me selling the car and gaining financial freedom and then telling my dad to "pick his battles." How do you think he'd like that reversal?
My next attempt to resolve my issues with them will focus in on the trust situation. The trust is gone. As far as I'm concerned, my parents have demonstrated that they don't trust my judgment. They're hiding behind the "but we worry about you" excuse. They need to get over it. I'm a "good kid." I don't engage in high risk behavior. I mean, my goodness, my parents would have died years ago from stress if I'd been an alcoholic, drug-addicted sexaholic. And frankly, MSU's campus was probably more dangerous than my current situation. But I spent three years there with no major parental panic attacks.
The worst part is that I don't think there can be any real resolution here for two reasons:
1) I can't communicate with them openly again. Mentioning that I was walking outside past 11:30 PM once caused my dad to disobey my wishes, become secretive and deliver a car to my doorstep. I'm going to have to adopt a "what they won't know can't hurt them" policy for the most basic things.
2) I can't trust them in the future. Yeah, I can move past this betrayal, but what happens the next time I do something they find "worrisome?" What's that? That city's too dangerous? Don't want this particular guy for a son-in-law?
I needs financial independence now. That or siblings for parents to worry about.
Rant over, but have gone completely bonkers during the telling. All is not right in the world.
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